someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
