....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
