im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize