the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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