I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just high enough for therapy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
