if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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