the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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