you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize