Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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