Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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