Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
