I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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