the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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