doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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