Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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