I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
