Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
