guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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