I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's just like the Real World with babies
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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