porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
