guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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