Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
