drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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