she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
