its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
