Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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