i would punch a child for taco bell
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
