a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
they're like a gay fantastic four
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
