God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
