I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
