Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Someone shit on the floor
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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