i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
