living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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