Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
