You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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