hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
