First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
