Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize