fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
