I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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