I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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