i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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