Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How does it feel to date your dad?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
