i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
