I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
