how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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