I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
