Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
