I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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