you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
