fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
His nipple licking is glorious
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