and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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