she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
