I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
