so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
