My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
