does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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