Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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