how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
