Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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