i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
