Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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