Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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