im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
