I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
