Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
