I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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