I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
