Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I forget how to act sober
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
