No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
