I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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