we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
