Dual....:-)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
