Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
