Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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