i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
