i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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