He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
