I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize