someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
