I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
