Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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