Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
