He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
