i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
