i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
